Goodbye
by ilovekc
Summary: Grissom finally gets around to saying goodbye to Sara.GSR


**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N – I'm apologize for my horrible grammar and spelling mistakes._

**GOODBYE:**

Sara Sidle scrounged her nose up in disgust. Even after a lemon bath the smell of a decomp seemed to linger on her, even if she was the only one to still smell it. The shower she had at the lab would be one of many she intended to have this morning. Her Tahoe seemed to trap the smell within it, and she was looking forward to finally reaching her apartment and eventually getting some rest.

For the last three weeks she had been restless in her sleep. Sara would find her self unconsciously reaching over to find the warmth she expected to be nothing more than a cold sheet. No matter how hard she tried, his smell didn't even seem to linger anymore on his pillow.

When Gil Grissom had decided to go on sabbatical Sara had been stunned. She of course new the Miniature Killer was getting to him, even if he didn't talk to her about it. They had not managed to go out together since the first murder, which she had chalked up to his curiosity of the miniature crime scene. When he stopped coming over after shift and shied away from her advances to go to his, she had grown concerned. Still she never expected him to want to get away from Vegas…from her.

He didn't even give her proper warning or ask her feelings on the matter. Given the opportunity she would have followed him, not like she couldn't use the vacation herself. Yet their relationship was a closely guarded secret, the only one to put two and two together in the last year or so had been Jim Brass. Jim may have been the entomologist best friend, but he was also a surrogate-father for Sara, at the very least he was a steadfast confidant to both. Being a Detective with the Las Vegas Police, Jim had picked up on vibes over the years concerning both Gil and Sara. Of course the two CSI's had been equipped and sneaky enough to hide the true nature of their relationship for months before he had stumbled onto them in an intimate embrace.

Jim had of course scolded them for going against department regulations, and being careless in public. He than smacked Grissom on the back in a brotherly manner before squeezing his shoulder a little to hard and warning him that if Sara ever hinted that he hurt her, Grissom's bugs wouldn't even find his body. Gently he kissed Sara on the cheek and congratulated the two, promising to keep their secret. Brass was happy that the two had finally gotten their collective heads out of their ass and the bottle respectively, and found their way to each other.

Sara sighed as she pulled into her apartment complex. It felt good to be home, she needed a shower and some sleep before Brass shows up to force her to eat. It had been a ritual since Grissom had left, and although she was grateful it didn't give her enough time to wallow in her pain and focus on her shortcomings as a girlfriend. Shouldn't she have seen the signs of a burn out before she lost him? She scolded herself and made her way to her apartment only to stop short when she spotted the man leaning against her door.

"Grissom?" She half whispered as she approached the older man with salt and pepper hair.

Looking up, Gil Grissom let out a small sad smile. "Hey…My cab brought me here."

"You're early…and you came…here?" Sara was more than a little shocked to see her lover leaning casually on the doorframe his arms folded lightly across his chest. She hadn't expected him for at least another week. Not that Grissom had called and spoke to her or hell even wrote her. The only thing he had sent her was a cocoon, which had still not hatched.

"I wanted to see you." He stated so simply.

Sara fumbled with her keys before managing to get her door open; she ran her hands through her hair and sent a silent prayer up that she still did not smell like a three day dead body. "You should have called. I could have picked you up, maybe even showered before seeing you." She joked nervously.

"You're beautiful." Gil closed the door behind him and offered her a gentle smile. His blue eyes sparkled lightly and Sara felt herself blush at his words.

"Now I know your lying, I've been in the company of a decomp all shift and just got off a double." She rummaged through her cabinets and started the coffee pot. Sara was uncertain where their relationship stood after Gil's impromptu sabbatical. In a large way she wanted to rage at him and hurt him as much as he hurt her. Still his simple phrases and gentle smiles melted her ire, and she found herself wanting to do nothing more than let him hold her. Maybe she'd yell at him tomorrow.

In a very un-Grissom like move, the older man stopped Sara's hands from her task and turned her to him. Gently he cupped her face in his palms and stared into her eyes. "You're beautiful."

Sara lifted her eyebrow in confusion. Surely a three week sabbatical had not turned Gil Grissom into such an intimate person. He had always been so cautious when touching her, almost timid like as if he was a teenager. Half the time she expected him to ask her permission before holding her hand or kissing her. Even in their love making, Grissom continuously studied her eyes for reassurance and permission.

"Griss…"

"You're beautiful Sara. I could quote a hundred poems and a thousand excerpts from various novels to describe how you look to me. For simplicity sake I'll use my own words…"You're beautiful"…." He gently tipped her head down and kissed her forehead, before trailing kisses down to her lips. Hungrily the two kissed each other, neither seeking to dominate the other.

Finally the two lovers broke apart and Sara chuckled a bit. "I guess three weeks on the east coast does wonders for you libido."

Grissom smirked at her while running her hands up her arms. "I shouldn't have left you Sara."

Sucking in her breath the young brunette dropped her head to his shoulder. "Do we have to discuss this now Griss?"

Gil Grissom pulled her into his chest, his arms wrapped securely around her offering her too thin frame his own warmth. "I…Sara…I didn't get to say goodbye to you…properly…the way I wanted to…before I left. I never got to explain…it was something that bothered me…" He gently kissed the top of her hair smelling a hint of lemons and despite her earlier shower the remnants of decomposing flesh, but underneath all that he inhaled what he simply dubbed "Sara's scent". It always reminded him of the ocean and blackberry cobbler. "…I wrote you…"

Sara looked up at him a small frown on her face. "I didn't receive a letter."

"That's because I didn't send it. I wanted to tell you in person Sara." He wrapped his arms around her again and tucked her head in to the crook of his neck. The two was still leaning uncomfortably against her kitchen counter.

"So tell me…" She mumbled into his neck as she began laying kisses up it. "…or you can tell me after."

Grissom felt her smirk against him and he chuckled. "I think mine's not the only libido that has been worked up."

Continuing her assault, Sara searched out his mouth in another passionate kiss. "Let's discuss why you leaving was such a bad idea and how lucky you are I'm still around after I remind you just what you have been missing." Her voice grew even huskier than normal and despite her teasing tone both knew she meant every word she uttered.

"I'm nothing without you." He whispered through glistening eyes as he once again pulled her into him, grasping her as if she was the only thing that kept him anchored.

"I'm nothing without you." Sara managed to garble against his chest.

"Don't say that Sara, never say that. You're everything. You're so much more than us. You've taught me so much about living, about love, about empathy and compassion. You're more than just my better half Sara." He ran his hand through her hair. "I hadn't really lived until I met you. All my knowledge of books and poems I can recite on love and beauty was just words before you."

Sara felt her own eyes glisten with unshed tears. "Griss…Gil…what's wrong? Are you leaving me, are you going to go back and take a permanent position at Williamson College?" She had felt the somber mood he seemed to be in since he had arrived at her home. Maybe this was his goodbye; that would explain why he had no luggage or bags with him when he arrived.

"I would never choose to leave you Sara…never…not for teaching…never for always."

She felt his warm tears pelting the top of her head and she turned her face up to see his red rimmed eyes and grim face. "But you are leaving…aren't you?" She croaked out through her own tears.

All he could do was nod and swallow the lump in his throat. He wanted to pull her into him again; he wanted to offer her some sort of comfort to her now shaking frame.

Sara swallowed hard. "Is it…is it for always?" Her face showed the fear and sadness that had crept up on her in the last few moments.

Again Grissom nodded.

Anger seeped into her veins and Sara pushed off his chest. "How could you do this Grissom? How could you say those things and break up with me?" Her fist was clenched painfully, and she was sure if she didn't release her rage somewhere she would cause her hands to bleed.

Grissom reached out for her. "I wanted to say goodbye Sara…"

"I'm not ready to say goodbye!" She screamed at him as she paced in front off him.

"…I wanted to tell you…I love you Sara…"

Her back went ramrod straight and she glared at the broken looking man before her. "If that's true why are you leaving me?"

"I have no choice." Again he tried to pull her into him and again she resisted.

Sighing Sara ran her hands through her hair before piercing his eyes with hers. "You're not making sense Grissom, less sense than you ever have."

"You're beautiful Sara and I love you, I'll always love you."

Sara groaned. "Not this again." She folded her arms protectively across her chest. "Why are you leaving me if you love me so much Grissom? "I love you" are just words Grissom, like your stupid poets and authors. Show me you love me Griss…stay…stay with me always…" Her rant died down to a plea her words turning into a half stifled sob.

Swiftly he gathered her up in his arms. "If I could I would never leave you again. Nothing on God's earth would keep me from you."

"Stay with me Griss…please Gil…I need you." She pleaded as she sobbed into his chest. Her own chest aching her knees weak.

"I'll miss you." He whispered into her hair as he led her to the couch and laid her down. Gently he pulled his coat off and laid it atop her legs as she curled up into a fetal position, placing a kiss on top of her head he smiled sadly down at her.

She didn't see him leave her own grieve kept her eyes tightly screwed shut until she fell into a deep sleep. A loud knock on her door startled her awake hours later, and she could feel the remnants of a headache creeping in. Stiffly she rose to her feet and pulled her door open, not in the mood for company. She was already running through excuses in her head to get Brass to leave.

"Sara…"

Sara looked up startled to see that the stoic Detective before her seemed to be taking great pains into masking his own tears. His face was pale and grim his eyes glistening.

"Brass?"

The older man let himself in to her home, his feet shuffling nervously. He waited a beat for her to shut the door before addressing her. "Sara…I'm so sorry…there was…Gil was in an accident honey…near the College…" He stifled his own sob and gripped his pseudo-daughter's arms tightly. "He was hit crossing the street…I'm so sorry Sara…he didn't make it."

Sara felt her knees give out and she crumpled to the carpet. A painful sob escaped her throat. "No…" She moaned.

Jim Brass managed to pick her up enough to get her to the couch. "I'm so sorry Sara…" There was nothing he could say, nothing would make this okay.

Sara looked up at him, tears running down her face. Her eyes caught the coat that she had tossed on the back of the couch before answering the door. Frantically she grabbed it and inhaled his scent. He had truly been here with her. She didn't dream it. She clutched it tightly against her until she felt it crinkle under her hands. Timidly she fished out a letter that had been tucked away neatly within. A simple white envelope sealed still with her name written on top in Grissom's messy scrawl.

Her face still pale she turned to Brass. "I need to be alone Jim." She stood abruptly and led him out the door.

Brass hesitated at the threshold. A hundred scenarios bounced around in his head. Surly Sara wouldn't hurt herself. She must have read his expression, because she assured him that she needed some time to wrap her head around it and that he could call and check on her later. Something in her eyes convinced him and with a squeeze of her hand he promised to give her some time and left with a heavy heart.

Sara turned her attention back to the letter. Her mind drifted back to earlier and she wrapped Grissom's jacket tightly around her as she tucked her legs up under her on the couch. Fingering the letter she debated opening it.

"_I wanted to tell you in person Sara._" Somehow he had told her.

Sara Sidle's face turned up in a wistful smile. "I'll miss you."


End file.
